Esmeralda failed her MOT and Polish law allows 14 days for repairs before she must be taken off the road. Unlike in the UK, MOT centres here do not fix cars so I had to take Esmeralda to Mike and the mechanics who set about her but took longer than expected and when I picked her up she was technically illegal.
Setting off on the dual carriageway I couldn't remember the way to the MOT garage so Lola drove in front of me as a guide. She zoomed through an orange light and in order to avoid losing her I foolishly put my foot down although I could easily have stopped at the red. At the next junction a patrol car crept up alongside and ordered me to pull over.
Ready to admit my guilt and pay a fine, I was also aware of how the traffic police operate here in Poland. I've been a passenger in the past when friends have been pulled over for speeding and know the routine. Around a hundred quid cash bribe is usually paid with no fine and points recorded.
The rozzers asked for my documents and informed me that it would cost me 6 points on my licence and 150 quid to boot. I chilled him out with a little charm and we chatted.
"So what should we do with you? he asked... "How much do you want to pay?" Something prevented me from suggesting a figure although they made it clear that it would be very welcome. He enquired several times how much I wanted to pay without actually asking for a bribe.
"Just tell me how much the fine is and I will pay it," I said, feigning ignorance. There was also a part of me that wanted him to know that I was British and bribing policemen is something that we just do not do.
In order to give me a little more time to let the idea sink in, or maybe he was genuinely interested, he asked me what I did in Lodz. He then surprised me by saying...
"Are you Polish?" An odd thing to say I thought. It is obvious even before I speak that I am not a local.... and why not ask simply where I was from? After enlightening him as to my heritage he asked.
"How much do you earn in London?"
"Oh," I said jokingly, "not much. I'm very poor, just look at my old wreck of a car." Fortunately Esmeralda was looking distinctly grubby after a few days with M & the m's. My shifty eyed traffic cop took another glance at my beautifully renovated classic VW Beetle and finally latching on that there was to be no forthcoming cash handout he gave me back my documents.
"As you are so nice we will let you off, you are free to go." That was indeed magnanimous of him as he could have given me a fine anyway, I thanked them and off they sped to their next target.
Word of the week: lapowka meaning bribe.
