These and other lunatics.

I'm hungover.

A stones throw from my door is the best pub in town. Poles usually start drinking late and alcohol is usually consumed in copious amounts, sometimes pints of lager followed by shots of vodka. Like Ireland, in Poland you are never far from a church (all huge and hideous) or a pub. It's a good idea to choose your watering hole carefully as many places are filled with apes up for a ruck. Poles have no awareness of personal space so in order not to get nudged and elbowed all night I usually position myself away in a quiet corner. My chosen local is an oasis of the highest order which never fails to provide entertainment & adventure. There are three bouncers, all of them vast in stature, who keep a close eye on things. They are never less than gentlemanly and probably view me as the Englishman who took a wrong turning a few years ago and thinks he's in Prague.

Last night revealed the odd assortment of characters that are always, but always, planted at particular points within the dark red brothel-like interior. The ageing and reptilian Doctor with a taste for naive 18 year old nymphets. The heavily moustaced Charlie Chaplin with his ridiculous bowler hat and cane. The amply proportioned Miss Piggy who's hysterical high-pitched squeal can be invariably heard over the din. The ever popular Gosha with the biggest breasts you've ever seen and not averse to showing them off. The perfectly pleasant musician Yatsek In Khaki complete with dreads and dark sunglasses (there's always one) and bimbo in tow. Not forgetting the Bisexual from Belarus, Tragic Tomek, Peculiar Poohatch (spelt Puhacz... I'm not making this up!), and a Welshman called Justin Smith who was obviously one of the great bores of Western Europe until, on the run from the taxman, found sanctuary here in the middle of Poland and consequently changed his name to Tinek Mitski. On opening his mouth he can clear a bar in 15 seconds. These and other lunatics help keep the night alive. I usually go with my close friend Luscious Lola, a 22 year old blonde with a penchant for stockings, sunbeds and John Wayne films.