I have had phases of gym going ever since as a student I invested in a Bullworker and used to fumble around with it in my dingy bedsit. I recently started training again, and, tending to get quite big quite quickly, have noticed that I am now one of the bigger regulars and am given a little respect accordingly. However, when the truly massive guys walk in I scuttle from under their path like everyone else. Respect in the gym is given purely in terms of bicep size.
There is an amiable instructor who likes to chat and is planning to leave for the UK (surprise surprise). When in his vicinity I keep my eyes to the floor or focus on the nearest machine to avoid being grilled about the cost of living in England and how much gym instructors get paid. He will keep me talking for ages on the price of cauliflower or the exchange rate and I can feel my hot perspiration turn cold and dry up and I must warm up all over again.
On looking around, the clientele is much the same as back in blighty, except that a lot of the men insist on working out in plastic sandals and socks. Twenty stone monsters grimace and grunt into the mirrors while adopting narcissistic poses. Skinny sixteen year old boy beginners in two's and sporting new gymwear attempt to lift ludicrously heavy weights and are rarely seen again. Foxy girls in taught pink lycra who never break into a sweat (God forbid!), and a light sprinkling of OAP's who seem to be the only ones enjoying themselves.
The running and rowing machines are all pointed towards four TV screens, each showing a different channel. It's difficult to follow one without being distracted by the others. At least two are music channels and feature various shades of brown girls writhing around in hot pants seemingly on the point of orgasm. On top of this is loud music which blares out from every corner and bears no relevance to any of the screens. Despite this sensory bombardment, some exercisers are also plugged into ipods, their poor suffering ears most likely giving off a hum for the rest of the day.
