In Poland the law really is an ass.

I was saddened to hear that my daily jaunts to the park with Molly and Daisy will become even more difficult now that cycling in the parks is to be outlawed in Lodz. This is the latest in a long list of oppressive and senseless laws that we will have to deal with. As it is, it has been illegal for some time to have a dog - regardless of breed - roaming free... even in the country. There is nowhere in the whole city set aside for dogs to exercise without a lead. I have been fined several times in the park.

I have been fined in the past for washing my car on a public street, this is illegal. It was in my courtyard but one of the neighbours called the police. They arrived and charged me fifty pounds on the spot.

I have been fined for walking across a road when the red man was showing, despite the road being deserted. Cars are allowed to drive through even when the green man is showing, and will tear past you within inches.

The banning of bicycles from parks will come into effect in about six months. The people are never consulted and opinions are never sought. The greenest and most pleasurable form of transport is not encouraged. If I had a big gas guzzling SUV I would be highly regarded and the law would bow for me in every way. That's Poland for you.