Saturday 17 May 2008

Vodka... Russian style.

On my first night in Kyiv I discovered what turned out to be a lively jazz club. Settling myself at the bar I assumed the young swanky staff spoke English & ordered a drink, but to no avail. Even here in Ukraine's impressive capital surprisingly few speak English. Smiling at me in sympathy, two suave sorts alongside invited me to join them. They were from Moscow. Upon my enquiring what they were doing in Kyiv they replied, "Holiday. The vodka is better and the women are prettier. You are alone? You are a brave man." Their names were Vitaly and Alexey.

Forgetting myself and wanting to quench my thirst, I ordered a vodka and coke, my Russian comrades both gasped with disapproval. In Eastern Europe, mixing vodka with anything is a no-no... mixing Ukrainian vodka with anything is nothing short of sacrilege. Vitaly switched to Russian and ordered a bottle of the local lubrication. The first of many shot glasses landed on the bar along with an ice cold bottle of crystal clear liquid at which Vitaly grimaced. Apparently, vodka should be served at room temperature. It should also always be served with food, so various plates of pickled herring with onion, smoked sausage, fried potato and bread quickly followed.

Once the shot is consumed (all in one of course), a slow intake of breath is inhaled through the nose and exhaled through the mouth. This gives a warming sensation in the chest and should be immediately followed by a chunk of herring and onion or sausage. As I live in Poland, Vitaly automatically ordered some juice for me. In Poland, juice is drunk after each shot to ease the impact. Vitaly leaned in to me, "You know, the Poles do not know how to drink vodka, it is not part of their culture. Vodka was originally invented and has been distilled over centuries by Russians. But the best vodka is here in the Ukraine." We fired up our souls with the delicious liquid and feasted on excellent fish and meat.

Many Brits, on short breaks to Eastern Europe make the mistake of getting 'tanked up' with the locals - knocking shots back like there's no tomorrow. I've lost count of the lads I've met who are violently sick after their first night in Eastern Europe. Vodka to Eastern Europeans is like wine to the French or beer to the Germans. They enjoy it, understand it and know how to drink. The British do not. Getting 'hammered' or 'bladdered' and staggering around on Saturday nights has become an inherent part of the British weekend. You can see the 'stag-nighters' in Krakow, storming in packs from one pub to the next and throwing up in between. That's not to say that Eastern Europe doesn't have it's alcohol problems - it does. There is a lot of alcoholism here and the streets are full of drunks all day long, but alcohol is not seen as the enemy which must be conquered every weekend. The recent and horrendous hooliganism in Manchester is an example of how alcohol manifests itself in the British.