The longest hour of my life.

Having promised to watch Big Eggs compete in a tv singing talent show, I arranged to spend the evening at some friends as I don't receive that particular channel on my tele. They live in a tiny flat with three dogs and two cats which were all over me all night long. Hell.

The contestants, all well known Polish actors, are given a song by a famous artist to sing every week, with a three person jury to criticise and the tv audience deciding by text. One person gets thrown out each week. Sound familiar? It's one of many shows on Polish tv which is based on British programmes. With 14 participants lined up and the first launching into Barry Manilow's Copacabana - the original is painful enough - I knew it was going to be a long evening.

The vodka was almost immediately brought out (thankfully) and the various acts became more blurred as the evening progressed. Small shot glasses were efficiently refilled within seconds of being downed. My hosts thought the programme wonderful and were singing along while I fought the dogs off.

What makes this production much worse than the original UK version is that they mostly choose English or American songs and their spoken (or sung) English is dreadful. The women fared slightly better with some Polish pop, although there isn't much to choose from on the Polish music scene.

After an eternity of absolute drivel culminating with an excruciating performance of the Bee Gees Staying Alive (a sure winner for the Eurovision song contest), I gave Big Eggs time to get back to his dressing room and then like a true friend phoned him with glowing congratulations. It wasn't so difficult as he had done very well doing Ricky Martin... in Spanish! And he's a great mover which helps.

My heart sinks with the realisation that I will have to sit through this torture every week, unless Big Eggs gets kicked off early. Some hope.