A session on the sunbed.

"You look so grey!" Luscious Lola barked at me over coffee, "you will to come with me to solarium, there you will to feel better."
Despite my misgivings she eventually convinced me that a session on the sunbed would do me the world of good so off we set to a local place she attends regularly called Jamaica Sun.

Once inside, a delicious little creature the colour of a tangerine appeared from an alcove like Mr Benn's shopkeeper and smiled. After recommending a sweet smelling bronzing cream, she cooed "I put you nice music to relax" and ushered me into a 'beam me up Scottie' type cubicle. I smothered myself in the cream, stepped in, and pressed the start button. Hoping to be welcomed by the soft soothing tones of Nat King Cole or even Dido, my hopes were dashed as a deafening and ghastly techno beat pounded my entire hearing system until I staggered out in a sweat six minutes later gasping for air.