Another neighbour today informed me that he is leaving for the UK. I'm long used to hearing it. But what's this? I read in the British press that 'figures suggest' that Poles are returning to Poland. Really? That smacks of spin. Don't believe a word of it, I certainly don't see any evidence of it here. A British government under fire for their open door immigration policy which has brought public services to breaking point (6 out of every 10 babies born in the UK has an Eastern European mother, an increase of 77% according to the BBC). And a Polish government ashamed and embarrassed about the mass exodus from Poland. Poles returning to their own country? Mmm... I'll believe it when I see it. Every day I have the following discourse at least three times.
Me at the newsagent... "Elle Decoration please."
Newsagent... "What is this? We no have this. You not Polish man. My sister live the London."
Me... "Really?"
Newsagent... "Maybe I will come there. English people fat and lazy yes...?"
Me getting in a taxi... "The airport please."
Taxi Driver... "Where from you? You the English? I go England!"
Me... "How interesting."
Taxi Driver... "My son already live in the Glasgow but he no understand when they speak."
Me... "I see..."
Me chatting up a girl in the pub... "Maybe we could meet again...?"
Girl... "Yes, I like practice my language because soon I will to live in the Great Britain."
Me... "Oh... well I suppose we could have a tumble in the hay before you go. Another vodka?"
Girl... "What it mean this tumble in hay?"
Me... "A few rounds between the sheets. Play hide the sausage."
Girl... "I no nothing understand. I must to go home now. When we have English lesson?"
Me leaving the barber... "Keep the change."
Barber... "Mmm... do all Englishmen leave good tip?"
Me... "Haha, it depends in which county you are."
Barber... "My sister live in the Bristol. In England they rich yes? I think I should to arrive there."
Me... "And do they like her Bristols?"
Barber... "Yes, she like Bristol very much!"
And so it goes. I had many friends when I first arrived in Poland six long years ago but they have all fled. My neighbours have gone. My girlfriends have gone. My barber's gone. My dentist. My plumber. My barman. And many with not a word of English.
It can be quite depressing living in a place where any attempt to get to know people is thwarted by their determination to leave the country. My friend Big Andrzej put it quite succinctly... "They are all running away. They think English people shit gold bricks."
